frollly

It amazes me how strangers can become friends then back to strangers all over again.

Just like this.

I see you now, and I don't know what to say anymore. I trust that you can't be trusted the slightest bit.

And if possible, I don't think I ever want to see you again. I don't even want to be your friend any longer. I'm ashamed to say that we were once friends.
I regret saying what I said, but I can't take it back. The only thing I can do right now is continue to shut you out and let new people in.. because you were never worth it.

I don't understand, but all I feel towards you is....disgust? Is that word apt enough?

No sincerity involved. No hard feelings.


No strings attached.

Over, over. Do you copy? 

I am going to sleep. Goodnight.

Happy birthday. I love you more than anything else no matter how much you annoy me most of the time. Thank you. Forever & Always, Love.

I am totally totally addicted to Blue Jeans and Born to die by Lana Del Ray

She is gorgeous and has a totally mesmerizing voice and whaaaaaaaa


Anyway Sy and I were just talking about how some girls have super thick makeup on, and when they remove their makeup they still look so goreous~
And being jealous girls we just hope that girls like that are bimbos, cos it would suck to have such pretty girls be smart and so perfect

What would happen to people like me?!

Eat myself and die hahaha and like reproduce on my own like an amoeba wahahaha

But then again if these girls were pretty and dumb, I figured that I'd just be perpetually pissed with them all the time cos they probably get away with anything thanks to their pretty face. Whereas, in the case where they're gorgeous and smart then....they Could have gotten away with their intelligence, which is much better and at least I have something to be in awe of.

And not to mention those that look gorgeous on photos and look even better in person.

I on the other hand, look average on photos and just pathetically non existent irl and sometimes I just look like trash on my bad days.

Terror

Shopping trip with Q today !
2 consecutive days camping at home has turned me into a tired tortoise. All we spent was some 3 or 4 hours touring round town and both of us felt the tiredness kicking in.

Told Q that if I ended up buying anything today it would be his fault and I'd kill him personally and THANK GOD I DIDN'T Ha Ha I managed to steer clear from all temptations yay ! But I gave in and ate BK and had my taimei drink so I think I just sent my throat into suicide mode instead of my wallet.

Can't decide which situation is worse though.

And I am on a major major overdose of cough lozenges I got from the clinic about 2 days ago.
I've finished more than half the prescription, which was meant to last me at least 6 days but I'm more than 3 days' dosage down...... :(

I'm trying to clean up the mess I've caused myself. Bit by bit, I'm going to clean it up. I'm almost there, just need to get rid of some more (after I convince myself they're not worth keeping and it's not worth looking back cos it is all crap anyway)

Sad me. It's been a long long week and it's only Sunday tomorrow. For once I actually wish it was monday

I'm about to turn this square rectangle electronic gadget thingy off, but thought I'd drop a little of my daily musings here.

I don't understand how they are able to forgive a person so easily.

 This person has lied to you,
   
 Cheated on you,

          Treated you like trash or a mere plaything,  
           
                  Betlittled you,

                         Taken you for granted,

                               Screwed you up,

Yet, some people can just forgive and are able to allow themselves to say, forget it, and let the whole issue go altogether.

Forgetting does not mean forgiveness, but forgiveness brings peace, and with peace, happiness may come by (eventually).

It amazes me.


I don't know how they do it.

I just read yet another torturing blogpost.

Okay, it was torturing not because it was boring and bleak because on the contrary, I found the latest post interestingly informative.

The only problem was...... Babe, your grammer is atrocious!!! It's appalling how you've been through some 13-14 years of proper education and you end up with such language. If I were your english teacher in secondary school and I see you blogging like that, I'd practically hammer you to death.

(ps. do take note that this does not mean that I am perfect in my language or whatsoever, it's just that if I see bad & obviously worse language than mine, I think I can give my own opinions.)

Hi.

You know what? I swore to god that i'd be asleep before 12 today, and here I am. I really doubt that i'd be able to finish this post within 6 5 minutes.

God, time sure is precious. REMEMBER TO TREASURE EVERY MINUTE

Random musings of the day - I realise that I get bored easily.
Even as a child, I always had a short attention span. I remember my teachers complaining to my mom that I couldn't focus in class, or when I finally DID focus, it'd be for like some 2 minutes or what then it'd be time to chew pencils or doodle on tables and walls and bite chairs and shit.
That's why I got pulled out of kindergarten.

No one could stand me.
Idiots.

Anyway, I still get bored now, doing the same things everyday freaks me out. And now that i've acutally said this, I don't know if it's actual boredom or just plain fear.
Fear is like a virus, it just infects your entire mind.

Just like how the relationship was, always the same, always stagnant. It was like the water never flowed. It just swished around in this tiny glass container - nowhere to go, you just kept hitting off the same cold glass walls everytime you tried.
Waking up to the same messages every day, going to sleep seeing the same words every night. Yeah, I know people who would die to have their boyfriends text you every day and night religiously, but surely not the same words all the time? It became predictable, like predictive text. Except this was predictable answers. I could practially predict the replies I would receive if I sent out a text, and I hate things like that, because it meant one thing. Predictability = boring.
There was nothing new.

I tried to put the message across, but I failed. I tried to be more interesting, suggest new stuff to do but it always failed cos of time constraint and other commitments. Apparently we weren't as important to each other as we seemed.
So every week was a same routine. On and on, I don't know how I took it for so long, I should have been bored to death by the first year. Maybe at some point of time I really gave my heart away and loved and trusted wholeheartedly.

But love isn't everything. I know that typing this would be the biggest mistake of the day and the post would be gone soon, but I'll go ahead anyway.

Love alone is not going to bring you far. Practicality is the one that really counts for something. And it differs from person to person. I am not going to mention what I think works for me. It doesn't matter for others to know anyway.

You need to be careful to pick and choose if you're going to be with someone, no? For myself, if I truly decided to go with someone, I'd want it to last (i am amusing myself by typing this wtf. Unleashing my inner loyal romactic lover crap).
If any relationship just went on for a short while, say 2 months, I'd dare say that none of you were truly serious in making the relationship work at all, or either that you guys were just playing around.
And I hate players. Who are you to make me fall for you, then ditch me and trample on my poor pathetic feelings?
Why me? Because I was dumb enough to trust you?

And I have major trust issues by the way. I doubt anything that leaves room for it. Of course, as much as I trust those close to me as wholeheartedly as I allow myself to, there are times where nothing can fill those small cracks up.

And the more I like you, the more I want to distance myself from you because I couldn't take it if you'd ever hurt me. (I'm the ultimate crybaby, I'd drown you with tears.)

The inability to trust people has made me an ultra annoying bitch such that sometimes I appear cold and tactless and majorly insensitive, but it has also saved me from any possible hurt, because when the time comes that I realise someone was just fooling me all along, I'd take it a tad easier because I never placed any trust in you anyway, and more or less I was prepared for what was coming.
It's like placing at the cushion at the bottom of a cliff. If your mountaineering partner happily decides that he should get rid of you and push you off, you'd have something for support - because deep down you expected it already.

Therefore I am the worst possible relationship advice giver, because my first reaction would be to want to hurt the person as much as they hurt you, or to save yourself asap and get out of whatever crap you are in simply by ditching the entire relationship. Or spewing out all the flaws of the unforgiven and come up with a list of how you got hurt and how it isn't worth the pain. 

And all this makes a bitter person. The inability to trust brings the inability to accept and love (if it exists). You simply push away everything that comes because you know that there is that percentage, no matter how small, that you may be cheated and fooled and inevitably get hurt. And then you start to overthink. You overanalyze everything, no matter how small.

Why is he calling me out for dinner tonight? Is it because he couldn't get the other girl to go with him, or there's no one to eat with him today? Why me? Am I just the option?

It's cruel really, overthinking. You play mindgames with yourself.
You ask yourself questions that you never really want answered, questions that you'd rather not know the answers too. Yet the very same mind that came up with the questions come up with cruel suggestions that send you going around in the own circles that you created to confuse yourself with.
I can't save myself from this. It's tiring to doubt and think so much, but at the end of the day, I'm just trying to protect myself. Selfish and lame as it may seem, typing all this nonsense, leading from one thing to another and ending without an ending, when all I really need is a good sleep, I feel some sort of peace.

I do love sincerely still, my girlfriends, my parents, my ceramic fortune cats on my table whom have a happy smile and a kind wave to give everytime I look at them. I do love you guys wholeheartedly you know. I really hope you know that however tactless I am in words, or however bad advice I give, I love you. I'm just flawed in this area.

I'm so tired (physically),, I THINK I'M GETTING OLD.

I feel a little lost now. Like my brain has churned out all the rubbish and all that's left in it is a clean city with nothing to give. I'm going to sleep.

Thank you for being here. You can forget about this entire length that you just read, if you really did.

Goodnight.